I’m officially a stalker!  I should look at it as a precursor to being a private investigator or a sleuth, right?  No scratch that an international spy one to be feared and revered in the underground world.  I guess following Mike and pulling up his course schedule isn’t all that exciting compared to those other jobs, but I had to find out something about him, no?  He was on my mind all night and when I woke up this morning.  I don’t know why I was so flattered by a guy noticing me.  Am I doing that same nonsensical thing that I always do with guys?  I mean yesterday I wasn’t dressed to impress per say, a t-shirt and jeans, paired with some chucks and my braids pulled back.  To my mother’s satisfaction I embodied a girl more interested in her studies, than one to be bothered with boys.  To her credit I am definitely trying to be more low key and find balance.  I guess though I drew attention to myself before with the exotic outfits?  Maybe he liked those kinds of things?  Still, I couldn’t shake him.

 

I got to school early.  I convinced mom I needed to get to the library to do some last minute studying before a test.  I need to stop lying to my parents.

 

I waited in the halls to see if I could find him.  I didn’t know if he was a car rider or if he drove himself or rode the bus?  I hope he’s not a bus rider.

 

I was trying to be incognito, but Sierra saw me lurking around the corner.

 

“J!  What’s good?!”  She shouted in my directed.  

 

First of all, I don’t why Sierra thinks everyone is that woke and happy in the mornings to be yelling.  And secondly, I know she could see that I was hiding.  She’s not dumb, neither her nor Alexis, they’re loud and be ready to fight all the time, but those girls are almost as smart as me.  Both have 3.5 GPAs, they’re tall and intimidating; they look older for their age.  Same thing with Sasha.  She’s 5’10” and an athlete, so of course she can make a thirty-year-old man believe she’s older than what she really is, plus the whole black don’t crack got us all in a hold, so you never really can tell our age unless we say it.

 

“Hey Sierra.  Why are you here so early?”  I spoke softly to give her a clue to hush.

 

“Why are you whispering?”  She came in lower towards me acting clueless.  

 

“Oh you know it’s early and yeah what’s good with you?”  I stood up straight trying not to appear anymore suspicious than I already was.

 

“I came early because I have my seven-thirty with guidance going over my pathways.  What are you looking at?”  She caught my unintended gaze.

 

Mike had walked around the corner.  He was just as beautiful as I remembered him, but Sierra was getting loud again so I had to distract her so he wouldn’t see me.

 

“Nothing let me walk with you to guidance.”  I had to push her in the opposite direction.  I knew she was intuitive and would’ve caught on then turned my stalking Mike into a joke and I would have to in turn push her through the wall.

 

“I’ll wait for you while you have your meeting, is it with Mr. Steelman?”

 

“Yeah girl you know it and he fine!  I wish he wasn’t married!”

 

“He don’t want you!  Remember yous a child?!”

 

Mr. Steelman the epitome of tall-chocolate and handsome.  The football coach and all the girls at school fawned over him.  I think we are all just a little boy/man crazy.  To his defense he had the best smile that would make anyone melt.

 

I stood beside the sign in desk as Sierra headed back.  I noticed the secretary, Mrs. Geri, left her computer screen open.  I had only a split second to see if I could find Mike in the system.  I could’ve gotten into so much trouble, but I heard her talking and laughing in the back, so I went for it.  

 

I am thankful that our preparatory school only allows no more than two hundred students and about twenty of those students were named Michael.  I’m glad all the ID photos are attached to the names.  I scanned the photos quickly and there he was the one I was looking for, Michael Jeremy Adams III.  I printed out his schedule and ran.  I felt bad I left Sierra, but I wanted to read the information and keep it to myself.  I’m sure she was fine drooling over Mr. Steelman in his office fantasizing as if she had a chance.

 

Maybe I shouldn’t be such a snob, but I saw that he was a junior, so older guy that was fine, but he was in the band.  Gosh those band geeks are such dorks.  It’s like they’re in a cult.  They have on those sweaty uniforms and you always see them making out with each other and no just no!  I couldn’t.  Yes, he’s nice looking, he was kind, caring towards me, but no way was Jami Causey about to date or even consider a band geek.  A dumb jock with 3.0 at least.  And I know I’ve played in symphony, but we are sophisticated and more regal in the music world.

 

I spent the rest of the day trying to get him out of my head.  Sasha and I went back to the library for lunch.  I definitely wasn’t going to the cafeteria if he had the same lunch as me.

 

I didn’t bother Sasha with anymore questions about Mr. Callesano.  It did seem like she was going to tell me something yesterday, but I’ll just leave it alone until she decides she wants to share.

 

The bell rang for fourth period.  We were leaving the library, Sasha was being her usually snail self in her continued pattern of self-loathing this week, Nate came to find me.

 

“Yo J, what’s up with your girl?”  Nate was anxious, catching right outside the library entrance.

 

“Who?”

 

“Sash, man she been tripping all week!”

 

“You need to talk to her she’s about to come out of the library.”

 

“Oh so this is where you been hiding?  And her with you?  She won’t talk to me, answer my calls, we don’t even rag on each other like we used to.  There’s something wrong.”

 

“Like I said talk to her.”

 

“You mean I’m right?  What is it?”

 

“What part of ‘talk to her’ don’t you understand?  The talk?  Or to her?”

 

“Honestly I don't know if I want to know.  I was hoping you’d say something like she’s been busy preparing for volleyball season or somethin’ like that.”

 

‘Well she should be out soon.”

 

All I could do was stare at Nate as he leaned against the wall.  He was truly concerned about Sasha.

 

“Hey it’ll be alright.”  I tried my best to be reassuring.  

 

He half nodded at me pretending he believed what I said.  I didn’t believe what I said either.  I just left him waiting for her, because if she told him the truth, I didn’t want to be around for the drama.  I guess that’s selfish, they are my best friends, but I couldn’t anymore this week.

 

I got to Mr. Callesano’s class too early.  There I was sitting in the classroom with the man who my best friend tricked and betrayed.  Just he and I, then he cleared his throat.

 

“Will Ashley be in class today?”  His blue eyes were somber.

 

I scanned my brain to figure out who in the world he was talking about?  We didn’t have an Ashley in our class. I thought maybe he had the wrong period in mind.

 

“Ashley?  I don’t think there’s an Ashley in fourth period?  Maybe you’re thinking about another class?”

 

“Oh I’m sorry I mean Sasha.  Will Sasha be in class today?”

 

“Oh umm yes we were just in the library together, she should be here soon.”

 

“How are you doing by the way?  That scene in the cafeteria was intense.”

 

“I’m fine.  Thanks for asking.”

 

I wanted to ask him how he was, but I didn’t want him to know that I knew about his affair with a fifteen, almost sixteen year-old girl.  The awkward silence came, I was so glad to see Hamilton walk into the room.

 

“James.”  She spewed in her normal bitter-jealous tone.

 

“How was ISS?”  

 

Oh yeah, I forgot to write that Hamilton had in school suspension for a day for slapping me on the behind.  I did not hide the satisfaction from my face.

 

“Whatever loser.”

 

The class was filling up I began to wonder what happened to Nate and Sasha?  I wondered if she told him that she fell in love with Mr. Callesano over the summer, that she no longer waited for him to make up his mind, that they could only be friends from here on out? 

 

I was wrong in my assumptions because before the tardy bell could ring Nate and Sasha came in the class all hugged up.  They looked like a couple.  It looked as if they decided to date.  If so I can’t even imagine what Sasha was thinking?  I knew she did not have closure from Mr. Callesano because of what happened next.

 

I saw Mr. Callesano’s face as Sasha and Nate walked in the classroom.  Somber left, what replaced it was hurt, jealousy and rage.

 

“Mr. Smith.”  Mr. Callesano was firm when he addressed Nate.

 

“I would advise you get to my class earlier than on time since you have a tendency of getting D’s on pop quizzes.”

 

“Dang man why you putting my business out there like that?”  Nate retorted.

 

“This is a school that has high academic standards and it seems like you can’t keep up!  Maybe you should head back over to P.S. one hundred?”  Mr. Callesano was repugnant in his response to Nate.

 

“I don’t know what you playing at Mr. C, but I’m not here for it.”

 

“I don’t want to hear your excuses Mr. Smith.  Don’t make another D in my class.  That goes for all of you.  And oh since you can’t seem to pay attention, because your girlfriend has you distracted, why don’t you move up front?!  Hamilton, go back and sit beside Ashley, I mean, Ms. Anderson.”

 

I couldn’t believe it.  She told him her name was Ashley I thought he made a mistake at first when I entered the class, but that second flub was clear; he was used to calling her that.  I couldn’t wait any longer I needed to know everything.  So I confronted little-miss Sasha/Ashley after school.  I drug her out past the soccer field to the cross-country trail so no one could hear our conversation.

 

“So your name is Ashley?  Tell me everything!  How in the world were you able to stay at his house?  How long did you date?  How many times did y’all...you know?  When did this start?  When are you going to end it?”

 

“The day after school ended mama and daddy sent me to the city to stay with my Aunt Joyce while they were deployed.  She had a friend who’s in charge of the library on NYU’s campus.  So he got me a job doing laptop checkouts.  I went to my aunt’s, she works the night shift at New York Presbyterian, so she only knew that I worked during the day and assumed I was home at night.

 

The first day I met him was back in May.  We hit it off from the start.  I thought he was beautiful, but I remembered how I felt about Nate.  He introduced himself…

 

“Hey, you’re not Macy?”

 

“No I’m just filling in for her during the summer.  How may I help you?”

 

“Can.  How can I help you?  May is an expression of permission or possibility.  Can is an auxiliary verb that in turn translates into ‘be able to’ so it’s how can I help you?  Since you’re helping right?...One laptop, please.”

 

“You’re a smart ass.”

 

“No just passionate about English.  Besides I don’t think asses can be smart?...I’m Lucas and your name?”

 

“Why don’t you ask my ass as I walk away?”

 

“Alliteration I love it.”

 

We both laughed.  And in keeping with the ‘A’ theme, I told him…

 

“Ashley my name is Ashley.”

 

“Well it’s been interesting to meet you, Ashley.  Is this your first summer here?”

 

“My first summer working check out, but no I have one more semester to be finished with my Master’s in Psychology.”

 

“Master’s in Psyche?  You’re so fresh faced, would’ve pegged you as a sophomore easily.”

 

He handed me his card to swipe and that’s when I saw he was a professor.

 

“I guess at 24 I could still be considered fresh faced.  It’s been interesting to meet you too Professor Callesano.”

 

I gave him his card and laptop and he left winked me goodbye.  He kept the computer checked out for about four hours and I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  I mean Nate couldn’t outweigh the feelings flowing through me.  When he came back to check the laptop in I knew I needed something clever to say, but all I could come up with…

 

“You’re a professor, so why don’t you have your own laptop?”

 

“Actually I do have one, but I can’t seem to find my charger, so it sits until I have time to buy a new one.”

 

And that was it.  I didn’t have a follow-up.  He waved bye and I guess our flirtatious exchange would’ve ended there, but then it dawned on me that I’d seen a white charger sitting in the lost and found in the back of the computer room office.  I went and grabbed it and in that short amount of time a line formed at the desk.  

 

As the day went on I decided to do a little detective work, which I guess wouldn’t be considered detective since it’s public information, and looked him up on the school’s website.  There he was Lucas Callesano, MA Associate Professor in the English literature department.  After my shift I set out to go find his office.  I felt a little obsessed, but I was so drawn to him that I don’t think I could help it.

 

It took a while but I finally found his office.  I was surprised because he was there when I arrived…

 

“Oh I’m sorry.”

 

“Hey Ashley” a bright smile came across Lucas’ face.

 

“What brings you all the way across campus?”

 

“Well after you left I realized that there was a laptop charger in our lost and found so I wondered if it was yours?  I was going to come after you, but I had a line and couldn’t get away. Sorry I am bothering you so late.”

 

“Oh it’s no problem.  Let me see if the cord works.”

 

“You have a desktop as well?  Do you just come to the library to flirt with Macy?  And today you happened to get stuck with me?”

 

He didn’t say anything.  It was like he had to catch his breath.  He grabbed his laptop out of his bag and plugged it in.

 

“It fits and it works.  Thank you for finding this, now I guess you don’t have to worry about me coming back to flirt.”

 

I could tell he was frustrated.  I was about to leave then I saw it.  It was a photo of Lucas and a woman in a bridal gown.

 

“Is this your wife?”

 

I walked over to the bookshelf to get a closer look.  He was happy.  She was happy.  I saw the joy all over them.

 

“Umm she was my wife.”  He kept clearing his throat.  He was holding back tears.

 

“Was?”

 

He came over to the shelf and grabbed the picture.  He looked me straight in the eyes and I could see the tears forming.

 

“Yeah.”  He let it out like a sigh.

 

“She was.  Her name was Katherine.  One night, well technically one early morning, Katherine was coming back home from being on call at the hospital, she was a general surgeon, and she fell asleep behind the wheel.  My wife was carrying our unborn child and they both died.”

 

He took the photo and placed it in a drawer.

 

“I didn’t lose my charger to my computer.  I just left it in the library, because I needed somewhere to look forward to going.  After Katherine died I just couldn’t be here anymore, so I took a year sabbatical.  I’ve been back to school for a week and I feel the pain of that day when I got the call all over again.  I tried to get a new office, but can’t until the new term.  I hate being in here.  The only reason you found me is that I left the book I’m teaching out of this semester on my desk.  Every inch of this office reminds me of her.  All these wall hangings, this lamp, that rug, she picked it out.”

 

He tried to hold back his emotions.  I didn’t help because I was crying more than he was.  I moved closer to him.  I touched his face to wipe his tears.

 

“I’m sorry you’re hurting.”  Was all I could think to say.  I mean what do you say to a man who’s mourning his wife and child?

 

His hand touched mine and before I knew it we were embraced in a kiss.  It was soft, slow and tender.  I felt an electric jolt go through my body.  Our chemistry was there from the first moment of eye contact.  He kissed me passionately and I gave in to him.  Next thing I know we were on the floor of his office making love.

 

“Hang on Sash you’re telling me the first day of your job, is the first time you met Mr. Callesano and you slept with him that same day?  That was in May.  I’m very good at math, you were with him for three months?!  Sasha no wonder he’s broken and you’re broken.  You had a relationship!  You made it sound like it was something casual, just booty calls, but you ended up falling in love, not him being in love with you too.  You’re both still in love with each other and now you’re playing with Nate too.  I mean this in the harshest way possible, you are selfish! You need to fix this!”

 

I had heard enough.  I was done with Sasha for the day.  I took off running through the parking lot and ran smack into Mike.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“You okay?!”  Concern in his beautiful brown eyes.

 

“Yeah.  Again.  Sorry.”  

 

And I took off without looking back.  I didn’t want to open that can of worms.